A glance at my thoughts ...

In order for us not to regret something in life we have to accept things as they are and come to terms with them. In order to come to terms with something one should be able to look at it from a third person perspective. We should be able to see things with a clear head and without any emotion. We should have an impersonal observation of how things are. All this is never easy and requires a lot of perseverance from our part.

But its not impossible. Though as a side effect to this we may loose our capability to feel. Which is both good and bad. When we don't feel, we can keep out the negative emotions such as pain and anger. But so do we keep out happiness and elation. Its possible to keep out the negative and keep the positive. But I haven't succeeded in that yet.

What I have observed is that to be happy for extended period of time, sadness is necessary. OK, it would be great if we can be happy all the time, but then we wouldn't really realize ever that we are happy. We just take it for granted. And maybe get bored of happiness. So if we do feel sad, we understand the value of being happy. So if we try to push away sadness by pushing away emotions, we push away happiness too. But then again pushing away emotions still need not give us peace. We could still feel empty or calm. If we feel empty, we have lost a battle, and we are going to embrace emotions at some point soon. Because we haven't pushed away emotions. We are just drained of them. We just need time for it to be back. If we feel calm, maybe we have found our way of life. But I don't believe any of this is permanent.

Human beings are like chameleons at least where emotions are concerned. They keep changing. They keep phasing. Depending on the twists and turns of life, and what life throws at us, and how we decide to take it, we change - for good or bad. What may seem good to one might not seem good to another. What may be an achievement for one might be a disappointment for another. So what we feel after every decision, every experience, is all how we decide to view it - good or bad. We are capable of seeing good in every action, so are we capable of seeing everything negatively.

I for one believe that good or bad, I am who I am. I believe in taking chances, taking risks, getting hurt, getting drained of emotions, sitting and crying over things I did which turned out bad, then after I had enough crying over it I decide - OK, lets forget it and move on. Then go and do something different, which again might turn out well or might not. We'll never know what will work for us till we give it a chance. And its always a gamble. A large part of the outcome lies not in our hands, but on circumstances, other people, luck, and so on. But not trying just might mean we will never live life, just drag it on. So I like to see life as an obstacle race (oh, I love challenges and obstacle races, and all that ...).

People say when we die we see our whole life flash in front of us ... similarly I believe if we need to get over anything in life, we should be able to view what ever it is we need to get over, from its beginning to the end, and remain undisturbed. Then we are over it. Though I might also think that would mean that that part of us is dead.

By now you can understand that I have a million things running through my head, and just flow from thought to thought when I have time to sit and think. And let me tell you I manage to type only a part of it ... some times my thoughts move too fast for me to capture them here ... I guess I am letting this blog entry a glance into my head ... which I believe is a very confusing one ... let me assure you I am not muddled in my day to day actions ... just in my philosophical thoughts .... and I think I will close the window to my thoughtful and wondering mind for now ...

What do people get out of being sadistic?

I have always wondered what people would get out of being sadistic. I always thought that bringing others happiness might work better at making one happy ... but then as time passed I realized in some minor degree at least every human being is sadistic ... this comes from the inherent tendency of human beings to compete against one another ... survival of the fittest ... So seeing someone else not faring as well as you do would in turn boost your ego or make you think you are better than him at the moment and would give you happiness ...

But to what degree would one go to get happiness at another's expense? Well that is where actually a person get to be called sadist - someone who tends to create more emotional/physical or any other pain to another to gain happiness than majority of the other humans are the sadists ... at least that's how I understand it ... same as how a person who is too different from common people are often called as mad even if they are intelligent and just differ in opinion (again my theory) ...

Well I set about thinking about this because of a particular scenario I witnessed : A particular rift in a relationship between a boy and a girl (names not provided to maintain anonymity), resulted in a very interesting situation. The boy kept trying to contact the girl, but she refused to pick the calls. But the more interesting part was that she appeared quite happy each time he attempted to call her - and she did not pick up the call ... well he is getting hurt by her rejection, and she feels she rejected him instead of being rejected - that could be the source of happiness (again sadistic isn't it?) - again the cause of happiness is speculation - but makes sense to me ... :) ...

But then I did think, if you are given a choice to hurt someone or get hurt yourself, if you think a bit, wouldn't it be better for the other person to get hurt than you, provided you have the choice to make either choice? Again human mind is a complex thing ... so how this plays out depends on the said person's place in your life. If they mean a lot to you then you might not hurt the person and might in turn let yourself get hurt ...

It would be a good thing how ever if you would stop and think ... what if I am in that person's shoes? How badly would my decision affect that person?

Well still your decision is dependent on a lot of factors - and not always logical ...

I think everyone at some point of time would show a bit of sadistic streak at least, and even feel smug about it ... well obviously I have had my share of sadistic deeds which I have to say I wasn't in the least bit unhappy about - rather it was the opposite ... so I would say this wouldn't I? ;) ... But my deeds aren't sadistic by society's standards I have to say ... it was with knowledge that my actions would hurt someone and still it something I wanted to do or thought necessary that I should do ... and well I was pretty gleeful at the time too (oops ... sorry - that is wicked isn't it ... but I am not all that evil, I swear!!!) ...

Just being happy !!!

Happiness - or rather blissfulness - its a wonderful feeling, and I have no idea why I feel so today ...

There were no surprises, nothing new happened in life, just another day like most other days ...

But I feel like humming a song... I feel highly exuberant, and could feel the joy bursting out of me... I feel the dance in every step, and see everything through rainbow tinted glasses - its really an awesome feeling.

I cant help wonder though, why this has come to be ...

I think it might be because I have left all my worries behind ... not bothered about them anymore, come to terms that what had to be done has been done, and what is left are those which I cant do anything to alter. Given that, i no longer have any reason to linger on such negative things ...

It maybe that I am inherently an optimist, and hence has pushed away all my insecurities, tensions and worries and decided to have a care free day ...

It may just be that I have had enough worrying or staying depressed and feel its time to give happiness its turn ...

It may just be that I have run out of depressing thoughts and sadness ... and am only left with happiness which decided to break loose and run free within me ...

What ever it may be ... its something that feels so good...
And I would always know that if it weren't that I have had my moments of extreme sadness too, I wouldn't be appreciating this much the value of an extremely happy day!!!

Anyway cheers to this feeling ... and may it come again ...

Abhijith - the "Dodo"

A friend who helped me get my current job.

He is the one who told me about the employee referral program and helped forward my resume through a friend of his working here. He also helped me make up my mind to come all the way to Bangalore for the tests and interviews ... how that came to be was because initially I wasn't even going to consider coming thinking I haven't heard of the company and its too far to come just for the test and interview, also since I was preparing to attend a few tests back home. But then he was like after he had gone to all the trouble, I should at least consider it properly - which made me enquire about the company through a cousin of mine, who told its a very good company. And after all the tests and interviews, I am here, having completed my probation - a permanent employee ... :).

He is quite sure of himself and can talk himself into or out of anything he wants ... quite a talent. His day starts only after 10am or possibly even 11am ... he might belong to the vampire family - usually can be seen online all night long ... He is quite ambitious and strives to get what he wants when it comes to his work ... and in the career point of view, I do look up to him.

He loves playing video games, he is addicted to the net (which was how we became friends - orkut ... :D ) ... He loves movies, he is into blogging and strongly protests for causes he believes in ... he is an atheist (so am I and many of my friends ...) ... He hates religious intolerance and oppression against the weak ... loves to travel ... and cares a lot for his family. He is also very caring and a bit over protective of his friends ... and is a good company. He isn't normally very open nor very good at speaking his mind out, except with real close friends. On the negative side, he could be real rude, and well is often trying to compete for "The Rudie of the year" title, and his favorite expression could be "JITL (Jump In The Lake)". He is also very sensitive and gets riled up over small things. Anyway I am glad I met this guy because he has become a real good friend of mine, and I really enjoy his company... :)

Ashish Bohra

Fellow trainee and colleague at Ness

This guy is someone whom anyone would notice in a crowd. Very smart and outgoing ... full of energy and easy going. He is very friendly and talks easily and is also very open and straight forward in his approach. He also makes a lot of noise where ever he goes, pulls everyone's leg ... jokes and in general has 'masti' most of the time.

He does occasionally go off into a moody state, and go all silent, when people really do notice, because its quite opposite to how he is otherwise. Still no one is the same at all times, and he might be one of those people who always like to share his happiness and keep his sorrows to himself.

He likes sports - cricket, football. Loves to dance. He likes to go out with friends and have fun. Generally a fun loving guy. But he keeps his own council, and in spite of all the fun and masti, people don't really know him deep down. He is a really nice guy and a good friend. He is caring and supportive and will always be there for his friends ...

*masti - hindi for fun

Shirish Katti

Fellow trainee and colleague at Ness

Shirish is someone I found to be very quiet ... who is reserved. He has a calm way of handling everything. During our training he knew many of the things already, and would always be willing to help if you ask him. He is quite hardworking, and really good-natured and helpful. But people tend to not know of his capabilities due to his quiet nature. Personally I do not know much more about him as I have limited first hand knowledge. But he isn't one to shy away from friends and company, and he does like to hang out, though he tends to listen most of the time than contribute in discussions. I hope I would eventually get to know more at some point of time, and will add more about this guy ...