Sometimes I wonder why it is that its always the guy who gets to ask for a walk around the tree. Why is always that the maidens are afraid to take a step in the direction of speaking what truly they wish to speak of.
There are many a question ... my mind asks many such things ...
Right now I am happy the way I am ... living life one day at a time ... letting my love of life and everything in it unleashed ... letting those I love know that I love them ...
Just not worrying about what tomorrow may bring, but enjoying today and what is there now ...
I came across this thought ... and its significance - a thrown weapon and a spoken word cannot be taken back ... true enough, so I seek to think before I speak ... but the spoken words of hatred are to be checked while I do not wish to take back words of love ever.
There are times you speak ... words of hate or love ... when they are right to be spoken of then ... but then again even a word of love at the wrong time might not be the right choice. Well lots to ponder over.
And I guess I will always wonder about matters of the heart ... they are things I think I have finally come to terms with only to be thrown off balance again within a short time span ...
But well I guess you never wonder unless u live ur life knowing you are living it ... spirit is what matters most ...
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Swayamdipta Sahoo
Colleague in Ness since last two years
Since this guy has been bugging me to write about him for the past two days, and he is quite single minded when he sets out to get something done, I have come around to writing about him.
He is someone who is quite a presence in office. He makes quite a lot of noise and is quite dedicated.
Was quite a lot of help when I joined, and though I used to get a bit intimidated by the fellow, he sure knows his way around the project and is quite brilliant in his own way. He has a sharp mind, and is quite good at any work assigned to him. He has a very strong sense of responsibility. He also expects the same from everyone working with him.
He is also quite jovial and also has a very good sense of humor. He seems to have a bit archaic views about women and there are a few interesting concepts about his future wife - the list progressively getting shorter with time. Well, given the original requirements, I guess he is better off now that it is cut short. This guy is actively searching for a significant other, and if there is a girl who doesn't talk too much ;) ... he would like to meet her.
Well the guy is a decent guy, maybe a bit too old fashioned when it comes to dating, but well, every choice has its merits :). He loves to travel, and keeps planning trips with friends and I am quite envious about recently planned trip which includes the Valley of Flowers, being quite interested in traveling myself.
Well ... what more can I say, I had taken him to be a little resistant to changing his life style, but recently he has surprised me with making quite a few changes to his views ...
Anyway he is a good guy at heart, and a good friend to have. And as a colleague he is quite invaluable. :)
Since this guy has been bugging me to write about him for the past two days, and he is quite single minded when he sets out to get something done, I have come around to writing about him.
He is someone who is quite a presence in office. He makes quite a lot of noise and is quite dedicated.
Was quite a lot of help when I joined, and though I used to get a bit intimidated by the fellow, he sure knows his way around the project and is quite brilliant in his own way. He has a sharp mind, and is quite good at any work assigned to him. He has a very strong sense of responsibility. He also expects the same from everyone working with him.
He is also quite jovial and also has a very good sense of humor. He seems to have a bit archaic views about women and there are a few interesting concepts about his future wife - the list progressively getting shorter with time. Well, given the original requirements, I guess he is better off now that it is cut short. This guy is actively searching for a significant other, and if there is a girl who doesn't talk too much ;) ... he would like to meet her.
Well the guy is a decent guy, maybe a bit too old fashioned when it comes to dating, but well, every choice has its merits :). He loves to travel, and keeps planning trips with friends and I am quite envious about recently planned trip which includes the Valley of Flowers, being quite interested in traveling myself.
Well ... what more can I say, I had taken him to be a little resistant to changing his life style, but recently he has surprised me with making quite a few changes to his views ...
Anyway he is a good guy at heart, and a good friend to have. And as a colleague he is quite invaluable. :)
Some bits and pieces of thoughts ... as usual ;)
I know I have a short memory which I am thankful for most of the time. Helps me heal quickly and move on with life. But in order to forget I follow the policy out of sight out of mind. Now I need a forgetting by choice program for my head. Hell its tough, the more u try to forget something, the more you think about it and in turn remember it instead of forgetting it. Complicated stuff. Now I get what they meant in the book "The Secret". Not that half of what they say works. Probably because someone else must be sending request to the contrary would be their explanation I bet.
It tires out your spirit and your brain cells. All this confusion. To get hurt or not to be. God knows I don't take the easy way out and turn back and run. I am no coward. I keep trying no matter how tough the road, no matter how bad my experiences. This resilience is what makes me live life in the way I believe it should be lived.
But I guess I sometimes do feel like screaming and making a fuss too. I mostly do all that inside my head, so that no one else needs to see me screaming and making a fuss. I might be slightly weird since I constantly replay possible future confrontations in my head, I counsel myself, you could term it as self help and self evaluation and motivation ... and as long as I do it inside my head it wouldn't be termed crazy. I have very vivid imagination, which makes many things almost real. Do note the word "almost". I hope my imagination stays at almost. Don't want to confuse reality with imagination. I am too sensible to do that, though at times I prefer an imaginary world to the real one I live in (doesn't everybody?).
It tires out your spirit and your brain cells. All this confusion. To get hurt or not to be. God knows I don't take the easy way out and turn back and run. I am no coward. I keep trying no matter how tough the road, no matter how bad my experiences. This resilience is what makes me live life in the way I believe it should be lived.
But I guess I sometimes do feel like screaming and making a fuss too. I mostly do all that inside my head, so that no one else needs to see me screaming and making a fuss. I might be slightly weird since I constantly replay possible future confrontations in my head, I counsel myself, you could term it as self help and self evaluation and motivation ... and as long as I do it inside my head it wouldn't be termed crazy. I have very vivid imagination, which makes many things almost real. Do note the word "almost". I hope my imagination stays at almost. Don't want to confuse reality with imagination. I am too sensible to do that, though at times I prefer an imaginary world to the real one I live in (doesn't everybody?).
Monday, May 9, 2011
Its good to wait a while ...
When in confusion its best not to take any decisions and act on it immediately. Wait a while and you will find that you might have made a number of decisions, and more often contrary to each other in the duration you waited. Each decision probably based on a whim at that moment, and probably with little logical back up. Its just based on feelings and emotions and more or less the frustration at not knowing what to do and the urge to do something. Atleast thats how it is for me.
I happen to like the lines quoted in a book I read recently, where a man speaks to a eleven year old boy, who finds the situation he is in most confusing: "You are eleven years old. You will find life confusing. It gets more confusing as one grows older".
So me being me, and knowing fully well that its hard for me to wait and hence I will make some rash decisions, which though I wont regret (I dont regret my decisions since I believe there is not much of a point regretting them), will actually not end up being good for me, I have decided to give a shot at not making a decision at all. Very difficult to control my urges to do something - anything - just because I hate being idle and not doing anything.
So now that I have successfully held back from making rash decisions, I decided to make a study of all the decisions I might have made in the last few days. I am not going into the complex and outrageous decisions that passed through my head. But lets just say most weren't pretty, and many where just the reverse of a previously made decision. Which is highly disconcerting to me. I guess I should let things work out on its on and not make any move yet. Wait for the other players to make their move in life, so that I get a clearer picture of where I stand.
In a way I guess I am growing up finally, and learning a few things from life. Mainly patience. Atleast I am trying to. I always feel the need to change myself, when I feel how I am right now is not what is best for me and I can improve and be a better person. I had done a drastic change long back when I moved from school to college - from a person more inclined towards an introvert nature into someone who was very much an extrovert. But now I think I need to change or refine some of my basic characteristics - lets call it fine tuning ... extrovert is good, but still there are some more desirable characteristics I need to acquire, which I am working on ...
I guess I am one of those people who find change desirable ... I feel that one should always strive to improve and not become rigid and refuse a change even when its needed, just because we are used to the way we are.
Now I am trying to see a light in every bleak situation ... and try to find humour in my predicaments ... maybe if I try and not get so emotionally involved and think - what if this is happening to a friend and I am just an observer - I might be able to see things more clearly. Anyway each one of us have to play the game that is life, in our own ways ...
I happen to like the lines quoted in a book I read recently, where a man speaks to a eleven year old boy, who finds the situation he is in most confusing: "You are eleven years old. You will find life confusing. It gets more confusing as one grows older".
So me being me, and knowing fully well that its hard for me to wait and hence I will make some rash decisions, which though I wont regret (I dont regret my decisions since I believe there is not much of a point regretting them), will actually not end up being good for me, I have decided to give a shot at not making a decision at all. Very difficult to control my urges to do something - anything - just because I hate being idle and not doing anything.
So now that I have successfully held back from making rash decisions, I decided to make a study of all the decisions I might have made in the last few days. I am not going into the complex and outrageous decisions that passed through my head. But lets just say most weren't pretty, and many where just the reverse of a previously made decision. Which is highly disconcerting to me. I guess I should let things work out on its on and not make any move yet. Wait for the other players to make their move in life, so that I get a clearer picture of where I stand.
In a way I guess I am growing up finally, and learning a few things from life. Mainly patience. Atleast I am trying to. I always feel the need to change myself, when I feel how I am right now is not what is best for me and I can improve and be a better person. I had done a drastic change long back when I moved from school to college - from a person more inclined towards an introvert nature into someone who was very much an extrovert. But now I think I need to change or refine some of my basic characteristics - lets call it fine tuning ... extrovert is good, but still there are some more desirable characteristics I need to acquire, which I am working on ...
I guess I am one of those people who find change desirable ... I feel that one should always strive to improve and not become rigid and refuse a change even when its needed, just because we are used to the way we are.
Now I am trying to see a light in every bleak situation ... and try to find humour in my predicaments ... maybe if I try and not get so emotionally involved and think - what if this is happening to a friend and I am just an observer - I might be able to see things more clearly. Anyway each one of us have to play the game that is life, in our own ways ...
Yuvraj Sarda
He is someone who is one of the pillars of my friends here in Ness, though he isnt a Nessian. He brings in the energy and the enthusiasm and was the trigger that resulted in a lot of fun trips we made. He was our group planner, who would take the initiative.
I find him a really jovial guy, who is charming to be around. He also has a good sense of responsibility and dedication in what ever he does. I always found his adventure streak to strike a chord with my own fondness for adventure. Also he is someone who takes people as they are without prejudice or judgement and also gives every one their personal space, which I find a rare trait these days.
He is good at holding people together and is pretty straight forward and honest in his interactions. I would say he is someone you would be happy to have as your friend, and someone I would always remember in life.
Happy to have crossed paths with you dude, in this journey that's life.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Life always more gray than black or white
It is said its a woman's prerogative to change her mind. This may be true when it comes to making a decision on what to do with my life. I just seem to make and unmake my mind quite quickly on different options. Including whether I want to write GRE or not.
Interestingly I don't know if the reason for my interest in writing it is justified. Going abroad for a short spell shouldn't be the reason for higher studies. Neither should it be because I would like to spend some more time at a college ... I should want something that I would like to study in particular.
But again my reasons for marriage are just as ridiculous.
Either ways in addition to all these, reading too many romantic novels, most of them based on the 18th century, with Knights in shining armor carrying away the ladies to pure blissful and loving life does make one build up fantasies. It makes me wonder if every man and women would want love and if they are thrown together would eventually love each other or if they would go looking somewhere else for that love, without having the patience to find out if the person they are thrown in with has the love they might be looking for.
Also this love business more often creates pain than bliss. At least from my experiences. But I just seem to not learn to protect my heart, and always tend to leave it without a shred of armor trusting everyone with it.
Now I do believe its possible to build a good relationship with a person, if u at least like that person, and love isn't always something that would automatically stay with you, you have to work on it to keep the love burning instead of smoldering and then dying away.
The good thing for me is, I don't expect too much initially. I take things as they come. And try to make the most with what I have got. I do have expectations, but very few are mandatory, and I am willing to wait till I make sure if those can be achieved or not. This applies to most things in life, including a relationship.
Sadly, though I am optimistic, and believe in "try, try, try again till you succeed", I do know when I reach the end of a cul de sac, that its time to turn back and find another way.
But well, I am happy with my disposition, and have resigned to the fact that I am always gonna be a thinking quite a lot ... cant help that, that's the way I am ...
And I also know I have a strong spirit, which will always strive on no matter what comes by ... I don't give up on life ... I do believe in fighting it through.
Well I guess this post is kind of like a muddle of thoughts and a bit of motivation to myself that life will always go on ... and its okay to be muddled, because that's what happens when there is no white or black and its hard to decide which gray is better of the lot and would lead you to white or at least close to it.
Interestingly I don't know if the reason for my interest in writing it is justified. Going abroad for a short spell shouldn't be the reason for higher studies. Neither should it be because I would like to spend some more time at a college ... I should want something that I would like to study in particular.
But again my reasons for marriage are just as ridiculous.
Either ways in addition to all these, reading too many romantic novels, most of them based on the 18th century, with Knights in shining armor carrying away the ladies to pure blissful and loving life does make one build up fantasies. It makes me wonder if every man and women would want love and if they are thrown together would eventually love each other or if they would go looking somewhere else for that love, without having the patience to find out if the person they are thrown in with has the love they might be looking for.
Also this love business more often creates pain than bliss. At least from my experiences. But I just seem to not learn to protect my heart, and always tend to leave it without a shred of armor trusting everyone with it.
Now I do believe its possible to build a good relationship with a person, if u at least like that person, and love isn't always something that would automatically stay with you, you have to work on it to keep the love burning instead of smoldering and then dying away.
The good thing for me is, I don't expect too much initially. I take things as they come. And try to make the most with what I have got. I do have expectations, but very few are mandatory, and I am willing to wait till I make sure if those can be achieved or not. This applies to most things in life, including a relationship.
Sadly, though I am optimistic, and believe in "try, try, try again till you succeed", I do know when I reach the end of a cul de sac, that its time to turn back and find another way.
But well, I am happy with my disposition, and have resigned to the fact that I am always gonna be a thinking quite a lot ... cant help that, that's the way I am ...
And I also know I have a strong spirit, which will always strive on no matter what comes by ... I don't give up on life ... I do believe in fighting it through.
Well I guess this post is kind of like a muddle of thoughts and a bit of motivation to myself that life will always go on ... and its okay to be muddled, because that's what happens when there is no white or black and its hard to decide which gray is better of the lot and would lead you to white or at least close to it.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Cross Road In my life
Its a time I am again thinking what to do with my life ... a moment I am considering higher studies as an option ... but am happy with my work ... not quite wanting to go anywhere yet, but my gut feelings telling me its time to brush up my knowledge and go to another new phase and new setting in my life ... a couple of years abroad in college wouldn't hurt ...
Also it would keep my mind away from the main focus of my life, the lack of a sex life even after completing a quarter century on earth, and would eliminate that as the reason for marriage - coz that really is a stupid reason to want to get married or maybe not when you are desperate. However I would like that not to be the sole reason for marriage. But right now I can't think of any other reason.
Anyway I would soon see if I am going to proceed with this new venture of preparing for GRE and TOEFL, the gate ways to study abroad or not. If my current thought process goes strong, I would pursue it and study to my best. Lets hope things work out for the best.
Also all these thoughts make me forget scanning the crowd for a prospective life partner ... postponing that to a later date.
Now a thought comes to my mind ... having read an article by a lady (possibly feminist?) about being wary of the mating games that meeting any available single human of the opposite sex invariably triggers, making both of you circle in mutual appraisal ... which unless you make a conscious effort, continues to be a ritual till you find a satisfactory significant other. Hence I think I will have to tell myself this is going to happen unless I make a conscious effort to not do what I have the gut feeling to do. In my case, this is very hard to implement since I happen to be an instinct person - I seldom ignore my gut feelings.
Well this is life, with its numerous cross roads, but I hope my affinity to one or other members of the opposite sex would not be a reason for me to not pursue my interests in the world at large. But again ... how things would turn out ... is always "wait and see" for me ... nothing can be predicted ...
Also it would keep my mind away from the main focus of my life, the lack of a sex life even after completing a quarter century on earth, and would eliminate that as the reason for marriage - coz that really is a stupid reason to want to get married or maybe not when you are desperate. However I would like that not to be the sole reason for marriage. But right now I can't think of any other reason.
Anyway I would soon see if I am going to proceed with this new venture of preparing for GRE and TOEFL, the gate ways to study abroad or not. If my current thought process goes strong, I would pursue it and study to my best. Lets hope things work out for the best.
Also all these thoughts make me forget scanning the crowd for a prospective life partner ... postponing that to a later date.
Now a thought comes to my mind ... having read an article by a lady (possibly feminist?) about being wary of the mating games that meeting any available single human of the opposite sex invariably triggers, making both of you circle in mutual appraisal ... which unless you make a conscious effort, continues to be a ritual till you find a satisfactory significant other. Hence I think I will have to tell myself this is going to happen unless I make a conscious effort to not do what I have the gut feeling to do. In my case, this is very hard to implement since I happen to be an instinct person - I seldom ignore my gut feelings.
Well this is life, with its numerous cross roads, but I hope my affinity to one or other members of the opposite sex would not be a reason for me to not pursue my interests in the world at large. But again ... how things would turn out ... is always "wait and see" for me ... nothing can be predicted ...
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