What I found in Atlas Shrugged

I dont know if I will retain this feeling or if so if it will last long enough to be permenant. But I feel I need to understand the meaning of the word freedom.

Its because I read the book Atlas Shrugged.

It was there in the library in bangalore where I used to go. I kept seeing it and thinking next time and kept reading all the useless sci-fi and fantasy books. I guess I keep trying to escape into a world of fantasy and try not to see reality. And the more unhappy I became the more I tried to escape from real life, contrary to my expectations.

 

I expected the fantasy to be real even though I knew it was just wishful thinking. That was what was wrong with me. Because the truth was always there for me to see but I feared to acknowledge it because real life does not bring wishes to life, and my wishing does not create.

I now know that man is capable of creating. I want to create. In everything I do I will try to find life. Life is about living. Life has no gray areas except those that I choose to accept. Life is black and white. What you do is either good or bad. And I choose to do either.

When I choose bad and dont want to acknowledge it is when I try to hide behind the gray. That is when I become a coward. Thats when life moves away from me and I loose its meaning because I choose to ignore it. I have built a wall of gray around me that I need to tear down. Walls that I have built over how long a time I do not know yet.

Some of them might be white which I might have seen as black. Some of the white in my life might have been black and some of the black white. I have to tear down this wall on my own. Turn no stone unturned till I discover what are my true values and virtues. What I believe is right and wrong. Through what my intelligence and my understanding tells me.

I think its time I discovered what it is I want to do with my life. Set goals for myself. Do things I want to do. And not make a zero out of life, but move forward and make a difference for my own sake. Thats what I will continue doing from this moment onwards. 

 

And now I know why I never believed in god. Because god is what I see as that ultimate source for making wishes and believeing that I have no power. That route for punishing one's self for escaping the truth and creating a gray area by believing life is not in my hands. And thankfully that was the one thing my intellect saved me from and the one thing thats going to help me be truy enlightened and find peace and to be whole.

Now I have found the foundation from which I will find me. Because I know I exist and that I have my mind as a tool which I must learn to use. And how well I learn to use it is what will bring me meaning in life. Not wishes. And I am the only person I should serve. Because only that will bring me happiness. I am deluding myself if I believe that anyone else's happiness is above my own to me. Its a lie.