Storms - Why is my life full of them?

I always wonder why my life is full of them - is it because I try living it to the max? Or is it because I never fit into the prototype defined by the society I live in? Anyway having the urge not to hurt any of the people I love also adds to the complication that is my life. Its quite not possible to please everybody else and also do what makes you happy. I guess I still have to try for something that would be a good enough compromise for all parties concerned.

I was always a rebel and never liked to be told what to do. Nor do I like someone else defining my boundaries for me. I like to explore the world I live in and to find my own place in it. Which could be difficult in a place where a female still has to fight a lot to be independent when a guy has it forced on him whether he likes it or not. Guess its bad for both parties since a girl who wants to be independent and a guy who wants to be dependent are both at a disadvantage. I guess I have to be fair to both sexes here.

But yes, its a struggle all the way, the path I have chosen. And if someone tries to own me with the wrong approach, he is in for a long hard struggle in which he has very little chances of succeeding ... since I'd rather die than let someone force his will into me.

Why all this out burst now? Well its because I feel destiny is asking me to forget my new found truly madly (and uselessly unidirectional) love, and settle for a marriage to some stranger (yes, the pressures of family, relatives and what not to get me married - arranged of course), which kind of is rubbing me the wrong way. I know no one is at fault here and its how thing work around here. Exactly why the rebel in me finds it irksome.

Guess I am going to be in another of those roller coaster rides again ... and since I don't wanna hurt anybody, I will have to subject myself to the process and be artificial, act like some traditional female which am not, speak little which is very hard for me, and fool another guy with the wrong first impression. Maybe I should just slip him the link to this blog here and he would get the right impression? Who am I kidding ... if its some stuck up guy who is momma's pet he would probably go tell his mom, who would tell my mom, and some relative of mine would find this and force me to put it out of commission - so its just you and me blog.

I guess all this is reason enough for an out burst, and I cant complain - my life is intense - if only because I see it that way every minute and its all in my head.

Most of the people out there have similar or dissimilar - but nevertheless intense problems of their own which may not seem a big deal to me, same as mine may not seem a big deal to someone else. Who is anybody to judge what another perceives ... I guess my way of dealing with it is to express it out here ... Hence these wisps of flashing thoughts as a post ...