Life always more gray than black or white

It is said its a woman's prerogative to change her mind. This may be true when it comes to making a decision on what to do with my life. I just seem to make and unmake my mind quite quickly on different options. Including whether I want to write GRE or not.

Interestingly I don't know if the reason for my interest in writing it is justified. Going abroad for a short spell shouldn't be the reason for higher studies. Neither should it be because I would like to spend some more time at a college ... I should want something that I would like to study in particular.

But again my reasons for marriage are just as ridiculous.

Either ways in addition to all these, reading too many romantic novels, most of them based on the 18th century, with Knights in shining armor carrying away the ladies to pure blissful and loving life does make one build up fantasies. It makes me wonder if every man and women would want love and if they are thrown together would eventually love each other or if they would go looking somewhere else for that love, without having the patience to find out if the person they are thrown in with has the love they might be looking for.

Also this love business more often creates pain than bliss. At least from my experiences. But I just seem to not learn to protect my heart, and always tend to leave it without a shred of armor trusting everyone with it.

Now I do believe its possible to build a good relationship with a person, if u at least like that person, and love isn't always something that would automatically stay with you, you have to work on it to keep the love burning instead of smoldering and then dying away.

The good thing for me is, I don't expect too much initially. I take things as they come. And try to make the most with what I have got. I do have expectations, but very few are mandatory, and I am willing to wait till I make sure if those can be achieved or not. This applies to most things in life, including a relationship.

Sadly, though I am optimistic, and believe in "try, try, try again till you succeed", I do know when I reach the end of a cul de sac, that its time to turn back and find another way.

But well, I am happy with my disposition, and have resigned to the fact that I am always gonna be a thinking quite a lot ... cant help that, that's the way I am ...
And I also know I have a strong spirit, which will always strive on no matter what comes by ... I don't give up on life ... I do believe in fighting it through.

Well I guess this post is kind of like a muddle of thoughts and a bit of motivation to myself that life will always go on ... and its okay to be muddled, because that's what happens when there is no white or black and its hard to decide which gray is better of the lot and would lead you to white or at least close to it.