Its good to wait a while ...

When in confusion its best not to take any decisions and act on it immediately. Wait a while and you will find that you might have made a number of decisions, and more often contrary to each other in the duration you waited. Each decision probably based on a whim at that moment, and probably with little logical back up. Its just based on feelings and emotions and more or less the frustration at not knowing what to do and the urge to do something. Atleast thats how it is for me.

I happen to like the lines quoted in a book I read recently, where a man speaks to a eleven year old boy, who finds the situation he is in most confusing: "You are eleven years old. You will find life confusing. It gets more confusing as one grows older".

So me being me, and knowing fully well that its hard for me to wait and hence I will make some rash decisions, which though I wont regret (I dont regret my decisions since I believe there is not much of a point regretting them), will actually not end up being good for me, I have decided to give a shot at not making a decision at all. Very difficult to control my urges to do something - anything - just because I hate being idle and not doing anything.

So now that I have successfully held back from making rash decisions, I decided to make a study of all the decisions I might have made in the last few days. I am not going into the complex and outrageous decisions that passed through my head. But lets just say most weren't pretty, and many where just the reverse of a previously made decision. Which is highly disconcerting to me. I guess I should let things work out on its on and not make any move yet. Wait for the other players to make their move in life, so that I get a clearer picture of where I stand.

In a way I guess I am growing up finally, and learning a few things from life. Mainly patience. Atleast I am trying to. I always feel the need to change myself, when I feel how I am right now is not what is best for me and I can improve and be a better person. I had done a drastic change long back when I moved from school to college - from a person more inclined towards an introvert nature into someone who was very much an extrovert. But now I think I need to change or refine some of my basic characteristics - lets call it fine tuning ... extrovert is good, but still there are some more desirable characteristics I need to acquire, which I am working on ...

I guess I am one of those people who find change desirable ... I feel that one should always strive to improve and not become rigid and refuse a change even when its needed, just because we are used to the way we are.

Now I am trying to see a light in every bleak situation ... and try to find humour in my predicaments ... maybe if I try and not get so emotionally involved and think - what if this is happening to a friend and I am just an observer - I might be able to see things more clearly. Anyway each one of us have to play the game that is life, in our own ways ...