New Year and me ...

This is another year ... when I take stock of what I am now ...

Resolutions are for me to know ... and not to put down here ... since its all a bit personal to put in a forum such as this ...

Anyway as usual I have decided to better myself. Also I need to go and see if I made any progress on last years resolutions ... there is time for that yet ... maybe in another blog entry ...

Now I thought I would vent a few of my thoughts here ... on what I feel as a new year begins ...

It always does make a difference to consider a new year beginning ... it triggers a lot of feelings such as a new chance for you, a time to evaluate yourself and decide on how to change yourself for the better, an opening for you to see life anew ...

Its a mixed set of feelings that you are feeling due to the importance you and the world give to this occasion ...

I think that as a whole my storm keeps calming more and more as I go ahead in life, living more ... knowing more ... experiencing more ...

I find the ripples less violent and more calming and the highs and lows subsiding ... rising again only less occasionally for a lone cyclone or a storm cloud, but generally moving towards a more tropical temperament ...

This is good in many ways. For one it helps me see life better, with my emotional intense feelings colouring the way I look at things less now that the intensity is less.

I don't get hurt as easily, but on the down side I don't feel happy as easily either. There are less surprises in life now ... only those that I allow ... and I have reduced the risks I take in life ...

The thing I observe as changing very rapidly is on my concept about a significant other ... It has always been a clouded one ... an undefinable one ... but even then I can find that undefinable concept about my significant other changing within me ...

I expect less ... my fundamental attitude towards him is more smooth at the corners ... adding more internal definitions ... I know its all vague ... that's because its still vague to me if I have to explain ...

Its something called instinct and experience combined making me decide without conscious thought, so I cannot try and define it ...

Over all I discover that I know less about me that I thought ... and who I am is still eluding me ... the more I try to find out ... maybe this year I will discover more ... and know myself better ... and better myself in the process ...